IVF, Stage 2!

Wow! What a month it has been. The shots went well and I am glad they are over with, but all in all, they weren’t that bad.

June 16- started 3 shots per day in the stomach. Mikeal is GREAT at shots. He gets the shot in fast and then slowly releases the medicine….this makes it not hurt as bad.
I had a couple welts and was a little sore, but it really wasn’t that bad…I remember thinking a few times, ‘wow, this isn’t so bad.’ 🙂

Then….the ovaries started to grow…ow! My ovaries became 5x their normal size and I looked like I was at least 4-5 months pregnant, lol. I couldn’t exercise, which was hard for me, so I walked a LOT. Theodore, my dog and I, went on lots of long walks. That was nice.

June 23- I had an ultrasound to see how many follicles were mature in each ovary. The results looked great! I had 13 mature follicles in one ovary and 11 in the other. This was great because it was most likely that there was a mature egg in each follicle!
This day got better…Mikeal drew my blood for the first time ever and, he and all his co-workers were right…he’s really good!

Mikeal drew my blood to test my estrogen levels...he did awesome! :)

Mikeal drew my blood to test my estrogen levels…he did awesome! 🙂

My estrogen levels were perfect and my egg retrieval was scheduled for Wednesday June 25. All of my doctors and nurses were extremely confident that I was going to have INCREDIBLE success! I was excited.

That night, Mikeal had to give me my ‘trigger shot’ to give the eggs an extra BOOST before the retrieval.

I. Was. Terrified.
I was so nervous because these needles were HUGE! The gauge of the needles I’d been having shots from were 29 and these were 21! (The smaller the number, the bigger the gauge). I am a wimp and was seriously so scared. Here is why, I knew that once I transferred a baby and got pregnant, I would be taking these shots every night for 10 weeks. If this one shot hurt, I wasn’t sure how I’d do 10 weeks of them!

This needle was HUGE!

This needle was HUGE!

Trigger shot right in the hip baby.

Trigger shot right in the hip baby.

So, Mikeal sat down and had me stand in between his legs. My nurse told me to tap my foot to keep the muscle relaxed. I did that. Probably too fast because I was SO nervous! Lol.  I made Mikeal stop like 10 times before he actually did it. You know how that is. They’re about to do it and you pull away or flinch. Our mental can be so powerful in both ways!

I said I was done like 5 times before I did it. I was done with IVF. I don’t want to do it anymore. It isn’t worth it. I can’t handle this. It’s too hard for me. I cried! Dang hormones…I was so irrational and so so SO scared!
He did it. It didn’t hurt! He did it SO slow and with SO much care.
“Did you do it?!” Yes. “Oh my gosh! Mikeal, it doesn’t hurt!” Haha- I continued to laugh and cry at the same time.

I was so relieved.

EVERYONE I talked to including the nurses and doctors told me they would hurt…I’m so glad it didn’t. The 10 week’s worth of them might hurt, but my brain doesn’t believe that, so we’re good to go.

June 25- Day of the egg retrieval. My ovaries were huge.
I took before and then after pictures that morning to see the difference….

The before pics are on the left and the after are on the right. Bless my body. It hates me so much for all I’m putting it through, but still, it’s amazing and can adapt to anything. So fascinating.

 

Before is June 16, 2014 After is June 25, 2014

Before is June 16, 2014
After is June 25, 2014

The egg retrieval was a little bit of a bummer for us. They only got 13 eggs and they didn’t know how many were actually mature. The doctors were all shocked. I was shocked. Mikeal was great.
It’s OK Kaylee, we only need one.

The next day, Mikeal went into work. We are lucky because we hear news much faster than others because he works there.
9 of the eggs ended up not being immature and not able to fertilize. We were left with 4.
Mikeal said, ‘it’s ok Kay, it’ll all work out.’

Friday June 27- one of the eggs failed a couple days after fertilization. 😦 Only 3 eggs left. This isn’t looking good, but….it only takes one.
Now it was the weekend and we were praying that these 3 little embryos made it!

Monday June 30- Day 5 of fertilization…all 3 were still alive! 2 were strong as can be, biopsied, and frozen. Good sign! The 3rd little guy was struggling, but still growing…fingers crossed.

Wednesday July 2- Day 7 of fertilization…3rd little guy made it! He was still struggling, but they biopsied him/her (I felt it was a boy for some reason) and froze him.

All 3 embryo samples were sent to Natera, the genetic testing center to be tested for all chromosomal diseases and mutations. The actual embryos stayed at the U safe and sound, nice and frozen. Lol- so weird, but so incredible at the same time.

We were told we would get results by Friday July 11… the praying began again.
Mikeal and I received an answer that I’d been waiting for for 10 years, but answers don’t always mean what you think…I’ve learned that before.
People have been so supportive, people have prayed, put our names in the temple, and just been keeping us in their thoughts…it all helps in some way, in my opinion.

During the waiting game, we got to celebrate Mikeal’s 27th birthday! That was so fun. I love birthdays. I love spoiling people, especially my loved ones. He had school and studying ALL day, but we had a party with all of my family and all of his that night in our little backyard. It was great!  It was so much fun!

Happy 27th Mikeal! :)

Happy 27th Mikeal! 🙂

He had a Superman themed birthday since he never had one as a kid.

He had a Superman themed birthday since he never had one as a kid.

All of us went in and bought him his very first hand gun + an all day pass to the shooting range with me, and a carry and conceal class. The gun hadn't arrived yet, so this was the pic. :) He LOVED it and can't wait to go shoot it still.

All of us went in and bought him his very first hand gun + an all day pass to the shooting range with me, and a carry and conceal class. The gun hadn’t arrived yet, so this was the pic. 🙂 He LOVED it and can’t wait to go shoot it still.

Wednesday July 9- I get a call from Mikeal while I’m at work.
“Hey babe, what’s up?”
“So, I know something..”
“Oh my gosh, you already know!?”
“Yes, they just told me.”
“Do I want to know?”
“Do you dear?”
“I don’t know. I have 3 hours of work left, so you tell me. If it’s going to be bad, I don’t want to hear.”
“So you don’t want me to tell you?”
“Oh no, it’s bad. Oh geez.”
“No, it’s not all bad.”
“Ok, tell me.”

“Ok well, I’ll start with the bad news..”

I was silent.

I was so nervous, but I truly had started to believe what Mikeal had been saying, Everything will work out. It’s all going to be OK.

He continued, “Well…the one little embryo that was struggling does not have the disease, but he has a different mutation. We can’t transfer him. One of the two strong embryos is a girl, she’s a carrier of ALD, and the strongest of all is a….HEALTHY BOY!”
“Wait, what?! Oh my gosh, babe! Are you serious?!”

I was so excited, I was so relieved. I felt so blessed and lucky. We had a healthy boy! It was all fitting together…I felt so so grateful for as far as we’d gotten. The fact that 2 of the 3 embryos were not affected or carriers and especially since they were boys, was insane! Although the other little guy had a different mutation, the odds were in our favor! How lucky were we?!

Ok, so now what do I do with this little girl. I mean, she’s healthy, she’s just a carrier. She’s like me. Wow, not sure what to do.

Here is my reasoning. I am a healthy carrier. I’ve had an incredible life without limitation. I will most likely live long and healthy and happy. What’s the difference with her? She won’t grow up with a brother who suffers and dies of this disease. She won’t know the true meaning of what she can pass on. She may not really care because what teenager does?

I did.
But, only because of my little brother. Seeing that first hand…anyone would care. What if she got pregnant in high school? What if she did with her husband? That would be their choice, but the whole reason we did IVF was to eliminate the disease from my family. It is a terrible disease with no cure and no hope of a cure any time soon. I don’t know why I was worrying about her, but I think I was just figuring out my back up plan, or my next baby after this one. Typical woman. 🙂

Either way, I came to the conclusion that I need to be happy, excited, and grateful for this HEALTHY BOY and worry about this later. We would know what to do when the time was right. She can stay frozen for now…I know, it sounds so odd. 🙂

July 16- It has been 3 weeks since the egg retrieval. The first week was hell. I was so sore, so sick, and in so much pain. I hated the way I felt physically and emotionally. I was all over the place.I had a HUGE fight with Mikeally on July 11…even after the wonderful news…

PMDD

I suffer from PMDD and after being on extreme hormones and then having a period, my body goes OUT OF WACK!
The fight was bad. I felt so rational. I felt so justified for feeling the way I felt.
The fight was so dumb.
It took 24 hours for me to think straight again. For me to realize how crazy I seemed. But, I’m not crazy. I have a disorder 1-3 days out of the month and IVF does NOT help it. 🙂 It is what it is….Mikeal is trying his best, so am I. That is all we can do.
We had a GREAT day together on Saturday to make up for the night before. 🙂

This week has been rough too…I am still bloated, but doing so much better. I can’t complain though. I feel so lucky to be where I am at. What in the world do I have to complain about….seriously. Life is good. I am blessed. I am lucky. I am FINE.

So, here’s the plan- we’ll transfer this little guy and if I get pregnant, great! IF I have him as a healthy baby, Amazing! IF we feel it is right, we’ll do another egg retrieval after the baby is born and try our luck again.

I shouldn’t say luck. I believe in luck, of course, but this experience has been much more guided and directed. Everything is falling into place from the feelings we’ve felt, inspiration we’ve received, and news we’ve gotten…it has to work out right?

No, it doesn’t have to ‘work out’ how I think it should. It will still ‘work out.’ That’s the crazy thing about life.

I am grateful for Mikeal and his love and support. I’m grateful for his patience. My PMDD has been off the charts, but it is OK. That is how it is and it’ll all be worth it. It will not last forever and we always look back and laugh about it. That is good. 🙂

One thing I don’t want to do is be nervous and think, ‘what if’ what if, what if, during this whole process. It’s too much for me. Anyone, even the most fertile woman, can have ‘what if’ happen to her. That is just life.

So, I am excited! I am acting as if I will be getting pregnant. I am taking my gut feeling for what it is. I am taking care of myself, eating clean, exercising daily, and laughing a lot with Mikeal and Theodore. I am being grateful for getting this far in the process and despite everything, getting to be this lucky. I am going with it.
And ‘if’ it doesn’t work out how I want it to, that is OK. I will be heart broken, I will be upset. I will NOT understand it, BUT I KNOW it will work itself out. It just means that it isn’t the right time. It means that God has a different plan and that that plan is going to be so much better for us, for the baby, etc. I do know that with 100% of my heart and all of you reading this can help me remember that right?! 🙂

But, for now, I am grateful, humbled, blessed, and honored. I am excited and getting ready for this next adventure in our lives. If it is premature hope, then so be it. I don’t care. It is getting me through and making me live each day, so that is good enough for me. Sometimes, all we have to hold onto is the hope of how we wish it to be. I think that is good enough as long as that hope can adapt and change as needs be and we can continue to be patient while it works itself out.

Stage 2 is complete…now we’re on to Stage 3. I have started birth control pills and will start the shots in the stomach again on August 1. Those will continue for 1 month along with some other pills and shots, an ultrasound to assess the uterine lining, and then the transfer date is set for Sep. 2. What a fun day that’ll be.

I am grateful that I get to share my experience and I hope people can see how grateful and appreciative I am for this experience. I hope people can see that I do NOT have the perfect life and that Mikeal and I do NOT have the perfect marriage and that this process is NOT easy, but I truly feel like it has been doable. I know I don’t have it as hard as a LOT of women out there in my same shoes. I don’t know why, but I know I am grateful for what I did have.

This experience has brought Mikeal and I closer than anything else has in the 3 1/2 years that we’ve been married and I am so grateful for that too.

One wish…I hope this little boy has Mikeals’ exact face because he would be the most adorable little boy in the world and I would want for nothing more. For a little boy to look like and most importantly, grow up to be like the incredible man his dad is.

Mikeal Elias Robinson

Mikeal Elias Robinson

IMG_7674 IMG_7675He is the cutest little boy! Oh I just love him.

 

I hope this post helps someone else who is going through a hard time to keep their head up and keep going because it DOES work out and yes, even if I don’t get pregnant, it WILL WORK OUT. I am convinced of that.

Thank you for following along in my journey. It means the world to me that you care….